Song by the movie The Transformers
Pain. Regardless of the trigger or the reason for that massive pain…
Pain can lead you to 2 courses of action;
1- Either you distract yourself from the pain by using some distractions: food, alcohol, friends, TV, (insert your distraction of choice here) – AKA: the easy way
2- you let the pain crack you open like an egg. (ouch I know)
Your 2 options are this: Either you numb the pain or you let it burn like a bitch. I know most people will say “well, numb of course! Just forget it.” but fortunately, I am not most people! :p
I am here to tell you that the best thing I have ever done in my life was to let pain finally kill me. The “me” I’m referring to is the little “me” I grew into by believing my fears and past stories.
The best thing I have finally done was to let my instinct guide me and it clearly said “Nadia, this time, let it burn. Let it burn until you can’t handle the pain no more”.
I have to admit, I thought “Euh What?” I was a little hesitant at first. I was mostly scared that I would not come out of it alive (yes, it hurt THAT much.) But, for the first time ever, I listen to my instinct and I let myself go all in. But before I decided to go all in, I promised myself 3 things:
One: that it would be temporary.
Two: that I had to work on changing my life during this time.
Three: I wasn’t willing to use distractions to feel better this time.
This time, it was going to be different. This time, it was going to be grand. And this time, I would make changes towards becoming the real ME. I never thought I would ever say this and I know it’s a weird concept but …. I can honestly say that excruciating pain was my way back to myself.
I heard so many great people talk about how pain was the fuel that propelled them to success. I never truly got it, and i often rolled my eyes at it until my worst fear happened. And Oh… did i feel the pain on a high scale! I’m not talking about the superficial kind of pain that hits you in mini doses every night while you’re laying in bed.
I’m talking about the blinding, alone, deep, real, unbearable, hopeless, bone crushing, no way out, heart breaking, body aching, emptiness, feeling depleted and betrayed, torned, overwhelming with nothing left kind of pain. The kind that leaves you on the cold floor trembling with fear, disgust, full of tears and no where to go. No more faith in anything. No more hunger for anything. Not even food. No colors. No nothing. Just lifeless.
Now that I painted you quite the picture haha… here is the bright side;
This is the best place for you to be
What? Yeah I said it!
This painful place is where growth happens … if you let it. This place is where you start the process of coming back and claiming who you are. This is the place where you get reborn again but this time? You get reborn as the pure natural you. You kick the old habits out of the way, you kick the doubts and all the bullshit! You come back a cleaner version of yourself. You comeback a better version of yourself. The strong one.
Listen, no one can grow without feeling pain. Everyone feels pain but it’s what you do with the pain that defines you and create lasting beautiful change. You’re already in pain so get to work and get a reward from it. Rock bottom is the scariest place to be but it’s also the most powerful place to be. Why? Because you have nothing left to lose. So you know what you do when you have nothing to lose? You do EVERYTHING!
The moment of Truth: 1 Decision
You can choose to stay there on the floor as long as you want. But eventually you must get up. You must choose to get back up. Why? Because you never give up. For no one. For nothing. You never ever ever give up on you.
I chose to stay there for a month and a Week. What a mess it was. I know it’s long but that was my process. Just thinking of the pain I was in gets me a little emotional. Litterally. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to hurt deep. I wanted to finally kill that part of me I knew wasn’t really authentic.
Ohhhhh did I want it! I was dedicated. This woman that I grew into, she had to go! Now! I saw myself for the truth I had become and I knew exactly the changes I needed to make.
Like Les Brown said “If you fall… try to fall on your back because if you can look up, you can get up!”
The part of me that was destroyed by years of anger, sadness and resentment died. And you know what happened next? The light started to shine through. And with dedication and hard work, I grew into the masterpiece that I knew was there all along. It wouldn’t have happened without the decision to own the pain once and for all.
Isolation is something only a few can endure and now I know why: It’s freaken hard! But man, if you can take a little pain? do it! This isolation was necessary for my growth. I wanted my Pain to explode. I wanted it to run in my veins. (Yes, us writers tend to be very passionate and intense sometimes…. Like they say: “If a poet falls in love with you, you will live forever” lol)
I knew that if I made it better for the moment, I would probably remain the same for the rest of my life. It was now or never. I remember feeling like I might go crazy with all this pain: It was truly intense. But Something inside of me told me to seize this opportunity and keep going. I knew this was the time to either stay down or rise higher than ever before. I didn’t want to numb it or forget about it. I wanted to drown in it. So deep that there would be only one way out: up!
I read a lot about the subject and many successful people isolated themselves to go through pain. And so… I did. I changed my way of thinking. The way I saw myself. My goals. My rituals. My days. My body. The way I spend my time. The way I get ready in the morning. The people I spend My time with. My projects. My energy. My values. My attitude. My perception of others. The meaning of my life!
I changed it all.
And something funny occurred: My qualities I had before this process didn’t just remain the same or disappear… No! They freacken amplified!
Make peace with the Loss of naive and childishness
You might have to say goodbye to this naive side of you. If you are anything like me, I was very intelligent but lacked a lot of wisdom by thinking like a child sometimes. When you go through this change, you will be leaving behind some naive parts about yourself and that’s ok. With growth comes truth. With truth comes the death of the naive side of you. The victim. The child. Let them go. If you must cry, then cry. It ain’t a bad thing at the end.
Nurturers often give so much energy to others and give nothing to themselves. I celebrated others all my life, that’s just who I am. And I love that side of me but in the process, I forgot to celebrate the most important person in my life: ME! My childhood was a little rocky like most people. And so, I learned very young to take care of other’s emotions and keep mine bottled up in there. I learned to accept a lot of things I resented just to keep the peace. This can take a huge toll on you.
And so, I went to work!
Now…. This is the time to get to work
This time in isolation is useless or harmful if all you do is cry and watch tv and that’s the end of it. No. This time you must give yourself time to ugly cry, yes. But you give yourself a rock hard limit on that. And then baby, its time to grind. You have to uncover all the dark places in your mind. From toxic beliefs you have about yourself, your old stories, your past, your outdated stupid values. All of it. You have to be honest with yourself and see where you’ve been slacking off.
If you don’t know where to start, get the book “Unleash the power within” by Tony Robbins.
It will give you a good idea of the homework you must do to uncover your dark places.
This is the most solid foundation
When you are not pushed to change you won’t. Sometime life forces your hand and even though it kills in the moment, it is necessary for your growth.
When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, that’s when you change. And by making my pain intense, I leverage the hell out of it into this beautiful masterpiece. My instinct was right.
Take your time. Go slow. Don’t go back to old habits. Anchor yourself. Get back into the world and make sure you hold on to your new beliefs, values, rituals…
What’s crazy about the comeback is that I’m surprise that this is who I was all along! What a mountain of a woman… I cannot believe it. I know myself so well and God… I love her! The beauty is that you don’t come back to who you were before the pain destroyed you. You come back more magnificent and pure. Chances are, you had never met that person before. I certainly haven’t. Get ready for some amazement when you discover the real you.
This was the most pivital moment of my existence.
I want to leave you with this thought:
Look, we all suffer … That’s a fact. But my question to you is this: What is worth your suffering? How will you use this power you have however uncomfortable it is? Will you do it once and for all?
Something to think about … 😉
Thanks for reading Friend
Nadia Farag xxx
Share your experience, write a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
‘’ Never ever fear. Never ever stop. Never ever be forgotten. Be Bold. Be Fearless. Be Unstoppable. Be unreasonable. Be Real. Be you.’’ -Nadia Farag